I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
