I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
