i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
