No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
