I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
