I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
