my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize