so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
