Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
