She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
