I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
