I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
