why didn't you poke me back
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
