No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
