I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
