It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
