White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
