She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
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