I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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