My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
