just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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