My hand turned me down
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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