Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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