I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
