I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
