she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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