please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
