i just sent this text using only my big toe
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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