I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
