Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk is not a location!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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