Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
