Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just google imaged poop.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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