I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
