he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
