i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
