saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
