Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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