I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
