3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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