At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize