He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
