i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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