One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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