Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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