meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
