You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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