i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
