I'm so fucking centered right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
