shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
