this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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