Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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