my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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