Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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