Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
