so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
