East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
