I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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