She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
