Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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