I'm lost and stupid without you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
