I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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