is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
