How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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