We won't sleep together?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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