I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
