just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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