I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
