i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
