You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
