apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
