and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize