So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
