This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
