i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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