jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
