AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
