So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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