so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
