I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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