Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
