ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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