I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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