you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize