I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
