dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
