just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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