i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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