Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
