Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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