oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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