I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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