I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When are your genitals available?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
