The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
